Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize
