i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
