What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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