It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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