I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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