Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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