I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Can i not drive my cunt home
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
