Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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