what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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