My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize