Will you blow on my dice?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
