dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize