Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
