Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
