Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
