dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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