I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
