my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
