Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
