Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
