I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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