overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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