Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
