Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You brought string cheese to the strip club
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
