Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
