Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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