Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
