he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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