rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
