I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
