in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize