My sheets look like a crime scene.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
