"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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