some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize