Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
