Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize