i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
