is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
