I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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