I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize