Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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