i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
