Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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