you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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