im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
