My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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