You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
