Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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