That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
