Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
