i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
