You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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