Banned from zoo.
Again?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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