if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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