They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
No subtext here. People are naked.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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