You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
