Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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