so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize