Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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