Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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