I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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