i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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