I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
