SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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