She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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