would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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