Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
