dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
