but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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