dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
