he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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