At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
