i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
