WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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