There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
