Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
