I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Shame - the story of my life.
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