Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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