Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
