There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
