My nipple is on Facebook.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
