Me too!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
