Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
