he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
