your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Randomize
