How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
