I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize