This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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