you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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