I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
