So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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