theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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