I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
