They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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