I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
