Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
