You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
