Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
