really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
